Thought I would change the mood on the blog this morning (been rather too depressing for my liking) so this post will ignore the current turmoil I am in to focus on things that I personally get enjoyment from (woo, go positive thinking!)
- Reading: I love love love to read. I have always been an English nerd and I find it fascinating to think about the power that words hold and how physical pages laden with black strokes can translate into imaginary worlds. Can you tell I’ve spent too much time lost in books recently? *Side note* just because I hope to do an English degree doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy easy literature – my guilty pleasure is a cheesy contemporary romance…
- Music: This one is pretty universal. Whether it involves getting lost in an acoustic classic or gaining motivation from a rousing pop hit, music is always a comforter in the silence.
- YouTube: Ah, the glorious world of YouTube eh? That magical place where self-worth goes to die as you gawk at the next designer handbag or gifted trip to Paris being shown off my an unrealisticly gorgeous and far too successful 20-year-old. It’s true, it’s a pretty destructive presentation of life yet, I must admit, as a comforting escape from my own reality for a while, it works wonders.
- Documentaries: I couldn’t write a post about my hobbies without mentioning this one. Anyone who knows me (even a little bit) will be aware of my obsession with factual programming. Show me a new Stacey Dooley or Louis Theroux and I’ll be fixated on every detail from start to finish – one day I hope to make this my career.
- Colouring: *Cue eye roll* Yes, I know, cliché right? I invested in a colouring book and pens recently, acknowledging the vast expanse of time I need to fill while attempting to recover, and I must admit that I rather enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong..I’m no Monet and my coloured pages more resemble a three year old’s creative exploit rather than a masterpiece but practice makes perfect am I right? And I certainly have lots of opportunity to practice…
So there you go. I feel I’ve painted a pretty accurate picture of what my life consists of at the moment (maybe I am some sort of artist after all.) Sadly, despite this array of hobbies, all of them take place in my own home, in my own bed, in the same place, alone. This is thanks to the contraints of an eating disorder – but part of me wonders if I will look back one day on this time and wish I had a free moment to watch trash on YouTube or sit down to a good book as I’m distracted by a screaming baby or work demands. So maybe I should value this nothingness after all?
Maybe..but that doesn’t take away from the fact it still feels bloody awful.
Yours Sincerely, the flightless bird, yearning for wings.
P.s: going on a blind date tonight (I know, this is the most daring I have been in a long time – wish me luck!)