Recently, I think I have discovered that I am not good at recognising when I have done something well or have been brave. See, I even used the hedging word ‘think’ just then – automatically suggesting that I am not worthy of praise.
Self-care is a rather cliché concept, one that fills magazines and instagram pages in order to sell beauty products to impressionable teens, however I think its importance must not be underestimated. I am beginning to acknowledge that I do not put enough time into self-care personally: yes I’ll sit down to a good book or film and relax but I’ll constantly be feeling awful about not doing something more productive or, even worse, the voice of anorexia will surface and I’ll start adding up the calories I have had that day to work out what snack I can allow myself that night…
That is not self-care.
I want to take this moment therefore to acknowledge that I am brave. I have been brave in accepting I want and (crucially) need to get better. I have been brave in going to the doctors to step on the scales and confess I have a problem. I have been brave awaiting a place at the clinic, hanging on day by day until my recovery can begin.
All of this deserves recognition. Even typing this blog post my skin is tingling as I worry I come across as arrogant, stuck up or plain annoying yet I am forcing myself to push ‘publish’ as it is about time I looked after myself properly, and perhaps accepting that I have been brave is my first little step in that direction.
Yours Sincerely, the flightless bird still yearning for wings.