YES THIS POST DEFINITELY DESERVES TO BE TITLED IN CAPITAL LETTERS.
Yesterday afternoon, it happened.
I finally received the call I have been anxiously awaiting. I have officially got an appointment at a specialist eating disorder clinic. The relief is indescribable.
Unfortunately, not everything runs smoothly (as I have come to terms with having lived with disordered thinking patterns for the last few months) and my appointment is not for another three weeks. Oh and did I mention that it happens to fall on my A level results day!? What are the chances…greeeaattt, thank you Gods – not only will I have an extremely difficult morning confronting my anorexia but that will be swiftly followed by a roller coaster of turbulent emotions having to face and accept my exam results.
Despite this unbelievable coincidence (sometimes I truly do believe in a form of higher power when significant moments are aligned) I am not going to complain. I mean, it’s set to be the most eventful day of my summer right? At least something will occur amongst this current nothingness!
Interestingly, another (really quite significant) thing has happened. Yesterday I ate more. I haven’t comprehended quite why yet, but I have discovered a new-found motivation for recovery. I am sick of waiting. Perhaps knowing an appointment is approaching has allowed me to gain the strength to – to put it bluntly – just get on with it. I am going to choose do the same today, and tomorrow, and for the rest of my goddamn life.
Let me tell you, eating a meal that lasts more than thirty seconds is bliss. Yes, the bloating is awful but the sooner you start consuming the right amount, the sooner your body will normalise. Why wait for the clinic when these decisions can be made ourselves?
Don’t get me wrong, I still need the clinic – I’m not that naive teenager who suddenly has a good day and believes everything is fixed. I of course still need intervention (doctors, dieticians etc) but I am so proud, and also really rather shocked, with myself for making steps in the right direction.
Let this post be a reminder that things can, will and do get better.
Yours Sincerely, the flightless bird, beginning to grow her wings.